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Non-Violent Communication - A Brief Introduction

What is Non-Violent Communication ?
This is a process of communication that was devised by Marshall Rosenberg. Inspired by Gandhi's message of non-violence he wanted to help people communicate in a manner that helps them to reduce conflict and live a life where their needs are met. In order to understand this process ,let us clarify what the meaning of the term  non-violence.
What is Non-Violence?
Non-Violence or Ahimsa was first sketched out by the ancient Indian sage , in his epic "Yogasutras". These are the wellspring of all that we know about Yoga today in the modern world. When Indian sages taught in the ancient times , instructions regarding behavior were divided into two parts. First, those actions that one must undertake (Niyamas) , and those that one must avoid ( Yamas). Ahimsa is the premier Yama. Like all ancient languages , such words are hard to translate, as inevitably, the deeper meaning of these words are lost due to cultural and spiritual differences. However, the literal translation of the word "Ahimsa" is non-harmfulness or harmlessness. According to the Indian contemplative traditions, the focus is always on the intention. So in essence, Ahimsa , means to never ever have the intention of harming any sentient being. The focus here is on the intention, that can be improved through various meditative and  contemplative practices.
Gandhi , India's freedom fighter, was inspired by the ancient texts. He revolutionized , the fight for freedom from British rule in India, by making Ahimsa, a tool to gain India's freedom. For the first time, he used non-violence as a tool to overthrow a major power. His civil rights disobedience movement was based on this philosophy.
Marshall Rosenberg, inspired by Gandhi , created this process of communication , after observing how poor communication was at the root of the conflict that he had observed around him.
The Non-Violent Communication Process
The non-violent communication process is a four step process.
This is best explained with the help of a scenario. Let's assume you have a disagreement with your boss , regarding pay rise. You were expecting a 30% hike because you worked very hard this year, however you received only 5%. All your other team mates received 30% hikes. If you want to use the non-violent communication technique to communicate with your boss about this , you can do it in the following manner.
Step 1 . Observations
You state what you observed about your boss's behavior in a very objective manner. This means that evaluations , judgements, prejudices and preconceived notions cannot play a part in your observations.For example : My boss is biased towards me , that is why ,everyone but me got the 30% hike. Here , you have judged the boss already , this should not happen in the observation stage . The following are examples of observations:

1. I received a 5% hike, the rest of my team received a 30% hike.
2. I put in 100 hours of unpaid overwork . I received a 10 /10 score from my customers.
3. I studied and received a certification in industrial processing to improve my skill set.
Step 2. Feelings
Here you become aware of how this situation makes you feel without trying to avoid or escape any painful feelings.You take stock of what you are actually feeling so that you can communicate better with your boss. Example of feelings:
1. I feel hurt
2. I feel insecure
3. I feel scared
Step 3 .Needs
According to Marshall Rosenberg , every feeling whether it be anger  or joy, points to a situation , where either our needs are being met , or they are not.When are needs are not met , we have feelings like anger, sadness .However, when are needs are met we have feelings like joy and contentment.  An example of needs that are not met in this situation are 
1. Need for Appreciation 
2. Need for Equality
3, Need for Justice

Step 4. Requests
 
It is entirely possible that your boss had a legitimate reason to not award the 30% hike and that you could have misunderstood the requirements . Before getting into any conversation about hikes it is very important to hear out your boss to ensure that you have not misunderstood the criteria for the hike. If you give empathy to your boss by hearing him out first , there are higher chances of him hearing you out. If after hearing him you find really that there was no misunderstanding then you can proceed to the next step.
In this step , you make a direct request to your boss, without blaming or accusing, as we are not judging or evaluating the other person. We are simply trying to get our needs  met. Judging our evaluating the other person , could cause the other person to become defensive and shut themselves off from the communication. An example of a request , that is free of judgement would be ::
1. Boss, I have observed that I received a 5% hike, while my teammates received a 30% hike.I have completed the requirements of the appraisal process, including 100 hours of overwork as well as a completed certification in industrial processing. My CSAT scores are 10 on average. This hike makes me feel hurt and insecure because I have a need for appreciation and security. Would you be willing to share why I received a 5% hike despite meeting the criteria for a 30% hike?
Beware , that what the other person chooses to do after you have placed your request is not predictable. We cannot get all our needs met at all times. However, this methods of becoming aware of your needs before placing requests , in order to get them met, is a much more effective  means of communication , than the usual knee-jerk response we usually have of blaming and judging.We will explore this subject in-depth on this blog , stay tuned for more. Let us make ourselves and this world a better place, one non-violent communication interaction at a time.
Sources:
Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent communication: a language of life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.
Borohhov, D. (n.d.). Ahimsa - What Is Ahimsa? Definition of the Sanskrit Word. Retrieved from https://www.ananda.org/yogapedia/ahimsa/.

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