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Communication and Relationships- Symmetrical and Complementary Interactions of Watzlawick

 One of the reasons we communicate is to establish relationships with other people. As part of the communication process we also try to manipulate ( persuade ) the external environment , to meet our needs. As in a sales process , we try to convince a customer to buy our product. It is often said , that  good communication is at the heart of good relationships. This includes good listening - which prevents us from misunderstanding what the other person is saying ,which can lead to conflict and hence poor relationships. It includes speaking clearly and in the tone and vocabulary , that is acceptable to the conversation partner. It includes , being present to what the person is feeling and needing at the moment , so that we understand how to communicate with them , so that we can meet their need. We create meaning , through the messages we receive in the interaction with others. If , we suffer from poor self image , then the meaning we create will match the poor self-image we have of ourself. This can lead to misunderstandings and poor relationships as well. According to Watzlawick ,every communication is made up of two parts: Content and Relationships. Content is the what is said, the verbal message, whereas the relationship is the manner in which it is said. He called these relationship aspects as Metacommunication - it gives information and answers questions such as how the communicator sees themselves , how they see others, how they feel about themselves and others etc. This is the most important part of the communication.
In this perspective of communication and relationships , we focus more on the concepts of status, power and control. We often find ourselves in relationships with people who try to dominate us. Else , we are part of cultures , where older people get more control and power in the relationship. Hence , when we communicated , there are two types of interactions : Symmetrical and Complementary
Symmetrical exchanges are based on equality in power, where one communicator makes no attempt to dominate the other. Complementary exchanges are signified by inequalities in power , where one party tries to dominate the other. Both kind of interchanges are needed to maintain relationships . The usage of one over the other depends on the situation.Complementary exchanges are needed in the situation of parent-child interactions, because children need direction and supervision. However , a majority of complementary exchanges in relationships like spouse, friend, colleague can lead to an impairment in the relationship. This is extremely important, because most people have a need for respect. If this need is not met, it can cause feelings of powerlessness, hatred and lack of self-worth. 
When communicating we should be very aware of how we communicate .  Just delivering the message is not important , it is the non-verbal aspects that give more clues to the other person as to how you view them and yourself in the relationship.
For example, Let us take this interaction between Rahul and Arun. They are both friends, studying in the same college.
Interaction 1 
Rahul  (Said in a loud commanding voice ) Arun , get the book from the library.
Arun  ( Responds in a submissive gesture ) Sure , Rahul
Interaction 2 
Rahul ( In a normal tone, that is questioning) Arun , can you get me the book from the library , if it possible for you today?
Arun ( in a normal tone, responds)  It is not possible for me today , but I will get it tomorrow.
Amongst these two interactions, which style do you think , Rahul should adopt over the long term to maintain a fruitful relationship with Arun? Offcourse , the second one , because it is a symmetrical interaction , where one party does not try to dominate the other one. 
Examples of domination , which we must try to avoid at all costs in our relationships with friends , colleagues , spouses and others are :
1. Changing the topic abruptly , to make it about a topic that you prefer.
2. Interrupting the other person
3. Using a commanding tone of voice
4. Using disrespectful or dominant gestures, body language ( this differs from culture, to culture and person to person).
5. Using Commands like "Do this now" , "Get me this" , "Try it now" , instead of politely framed requests.
There are many more theories and helpful constructs on how we can think about our communication and relationships with people. This is just one of many. Stay tuned to this blog , to learn more. Let's make this world a more harmonious one, one interaction at a time!
 Sources:
Griffin, M. A. (2016). A survey of human communication. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.
Saint-Welch, S. (2019, April 7). 7 Relationship Benefits of Good Communication. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-relationship-benefits-of-good-communication/.
Watzlawick, P., Bavelas, J. B., & Jackson, D. D. (1967). Pragmatics of human communication: a study of interactional patterns, pathologies, and paradoxes. New York: Norton.
Griffin, E., Letbetter, A., & Sparks, G. (2009). A first look at communication theory. Boston: McGraw-Hill Higher Education.

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